mantis

I waited a year and a half before proposing and almost 2 years after that before the actual wedding took place. We have been married 3 years and it seems like a life time some days. I would have been happy not getting married and not having a huge wedding that cost almost as much as the down payment on the house we bought last year. Yes, I am a cynic when it comes to marriage and it is always full of compromises, which is why I gave in to a big wedding; she wanted it and I didn't. And marriage isn't easy when you are married to a fiery red head of Scottish decent. They are definitely not for the faint of heart. As far as "Love at First Sight", BS, I knew my wife for 3 years through friends and she hated my guts, something about always being sarcastic to her. I told her not to feel special because I am generally sarcastic to everyone. I keep telling her that no one put a gun to her head and made her accept my proposal.

alcoholiday

it's *never* too early to not get married.

ZoomZoomH

exactly

mantis

I can honestly say that after 3 years of marriage, the old saying"If I knew then what I know now....." certainly holds true half the time.

P-diddy

I like that "cool off period"

MazspeedPro

Telling from your posts , you dont sound very happily married. Honestly if I was your wife and I read theese I would be pretty pissed off.
I truthfully dont think you should have gotten married in the first place.

mantis

First of all, I am happily married. If anyone thinks that marriage is a bed of roses 100% of the time is either not married or is still in the honeymoon phase. Marriage is full of many ups, downs and compromises and can take a great deal of patience at times. Secondly, my wife is being treated for a chronic condition that affects all aspects of her life (and therefore, mine) and probably will for most of her life. And she had this condition long before we were married (or even engaged, for that matter), but I have stuck through it, even though I could very well have walked away. Some of what I said is a bit tongue-in-check that helps deal with things when they are tough. But for much of the time, I would not have it any other way.
I see that you are 19/20 years old and would suspect that you are probably not married. I hope that you or anyone else never has to ever deal with a loved one with a chronic illness.
My wife knows that she can sometimes be difficult to deal with and on the same token, she knows that I can sometimes be a sarcastic a**hole. But, we treat each other with a great deal of love and respect, are in it for the long haul through sickness and in health and realize that there are always going to be rough spots in any relationship. She will also readily admit that she has been spoiled by me ever since we have been together (over 6 years now). Many people quite often give up at the first signs of relationship discord, but generally, those who tough it out through difficult times manage to have a long lasting life together. I know this is a long post, but I just wanted to set the record straight that I am not an a**hole and my wife would probably not be pissed if she read this. One of the purposes of the "Off-Topic" section is to sometimes vent; and everyone does at some time or another in life.

As for the original post on this thread, there is no set timeline for when to propose. Have common goals to reach for, get out of (or minimize) debt before you get married. Money isn't everything, but marriage can be a bitch when you haven't got any. Also, as my father always told me, before you can truly be in love to commit to marriage, you have to be best friends first.

marc93lx

That is why I want to wait awhile before I go through with it. I want to be financially stable first, I don't want to start out in debt. The wedding would cost enough as it is, plus we would need a house/appt. etc.. But I do know its what I want and I do feel like she is my best friend in the world. All of our friends think we should be married by now but Im not wanting to rush into it. Its not that I don't think we will have problems by getting married so soon, I just want to be prepared.

LOS-323

Being prepared, and financially stable is a very smart move. Stick with that thought, and you will have more time to enjoy the marriage, and less time to worry about how to pay for the stuff you need.

You may end up being the happiest couple in the world... but you are a smart man by not rushing into it, and waiting until you have things sorted out. No need to add problems to what would otherwise be a happy marriage.

Besides, if you were meant to be together, waiting a little bit should not matter at all.

turboge

Nor should anything matter at all, if you are meant to be together then nothing should stand in your way, nothing should get in between your feelings, and nothing should change your mind on how you feel or progress in your lives........ You shouldn't boast your opinions upon people that are living how they want, people make their own decisions, informed or not.

alcoholiday

that's kinda the point of asking for advice, no? soliciting opinions?

turboge

Nope, not in that case. Those are not opinions, but directions, and thats not appropriate.

MazspeedPro

your right , it was rude of me, and i apologise. However, i only know what he posted, and it didnt sound very optomistic. I assumed based on his posts and I could be wrong.

ZoomZoomH

whoa hold on there marriage counselor, how many years have you been married????

don't give that kind of strong opinion unless you have more information to back it up.

MazspeedPro

I APOLOGISED in my above post. And again , im sorry.
But also , i gather , he dosent sound too happy in his posts .
Im not claiming to be a marriage counselor. And Hank, who are you to talk.
Because I remember numerous occasions on AIM were you were telling me what is right and wrong, and judging my relationship. You should practice what you preach. Maybe YOU should watch your strong oppinions next time.