I just got this in an email - ******* hilarious!!

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For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, like this:

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number).

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an *******!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down, with the word '*******' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an *******!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic '*******' calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" he yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an *******!"

So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some boy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.

The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first ******* (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW *******, too.

I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an *******!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two ******** to call!

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

So, I came up with an idea: I called ******* #1.

"Hello"

"You're an *******!" (but I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed "Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"*******, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black Beemer out front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, *******."

Then I called ******* # 2:

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello *******," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ***," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, *******, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.

There, I saw two ******** beating the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

Now, I feel better.

*********************************

~HH

 

You're an *******.

 

Oh the possibilities

 

******* by Dennis Leary... Need I say more?

 

theres another way of releaving stress, just call up and solicit yourself AS an *******, and see what kind of response you get

 

Anybody ever read a book called The Harmon Chronicles by a guy named Harmon Leon? Classic! It's full of stuff like that.
Harmon is kind of like Tom Green, except Leon is smart, funny, and should have his own show.

 

This guy is pretty funny. In this part of the book, he's trying to figure out what the big deal is about nudity.

Attempt At Nudity #2: Nude On The Internet

With the World Wide Web and the Information Superhighway, people don't have to leave their homes to explore and exploit their nudity. Now they can tell others about their nudity from the privacy of their own home. So that's what I'm going to do: strip off all of my clothes, sit in front of the computer, and inform people about my nude condition. The first step is to go online and get into a good chat room. What better place to tell online users about my nude condition than a Star Trek chat group? So one day I logged on to "Starfleet Boot Camp"... A heated discussion was already in progress:

Mr. Sock 5: WHO LIKES VOYAGER??

Kendusa: nobody likes voyager

Panther: Go jerk off to a Star Trek episode!

Mr Sock 5: MY TRICORDER IS PICKING UP IDIOTS AT 10 DEGREES

Me: I'm a 450 pound nude man on the internet!

Kendusa: voyager sucks

Me: 450 pounds of nudity!

Kendusa: like we care

Lzone: Please put some clothes on.

Me: NUDE! NUDE! NUDE!

Panther: Shut up you fat gay Star Trek bastard!

Mr Sock 5: GO WARP INTO OUTERSPACE WITH THE REST OF THE ROMULANS

Me: I'm not gay or a bastard, just 450 lb of nude!

Trekker 2: do you want to meet? love=sex

Kendusa: vayager has more action

Me: Nude=450 lb

Trekker 2: No one cares you're nude

Me: I am nude wearing Vulcan ears

Panther: Why dont you warp speed to Uranus!!!

Me: set my phasers...on nude.

Mr. Sock 5: THE FEDERATION WANTS YOU TO PUT ON CLOTHES


Me: Beam me down Scottie---to Planet Nude

NUDECLUSIONS:
Star Trek fans are a bitter bunch. There is no room in their world for nudity when there is Star Trek to be discussed.

 

 

dear god what great combacks