Something funny on online showoff....
March-6th-2003, 09:37 PM
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
Something funny on online showoff....
Driving in Manila
SURVIVAL GUIDE TO DRIVING IN THE PHILIPPINES:
If you are ever in the need to drive on the streets of
Manila the following rules may help you get to your
destination in one piece.
THE FILIPINO DRIVER GREETING: When greeting a Filipino
driver, slowly lower your window and be prepared to
greet the driver with, "Tang namo, bobo." However, if
you have been already addressed by a fellow driver,
reply with a joyful, "Tang namo rin, gago."
ON TURN SIGNALS: If a driver in another lane turns on
the turn signal, do not let him go into your lane. In
fact, press the accelerator and start driving right
next to him/her. The fellow driver will probably greet
you and you already know what to do.
ON TRAFFIC LIGHTS: These amusing artifacts hang from
intersections for no apparent reason. Sometimes you
will see drivers stop to see the colors change on
these lights (a fascinating experience). Government
officials (specificially police) believe that each
color stands for an instruction for drivers to follow.
Fom pure observation I have determined the following
instructions for each color:
Yellow light - accelerate your car as much as
possible.
Red light - this light gives permission to the next
five to six cars to go through.
Green light - reduce speed and wait for the five to
six cars passing through their respective red lights.
Little-known-fact: Time to start honking your horn, as
soon as the light turns green = 1.5 seconds.
ON CHANGING LANES: Changing lanes has been elevated to
an art form in the Philippines. First of all, no
matter what you do, never ever turn on your turn
signal, otherwise you'll stimulate the reaction
described above. Second, swerve your car
uncontrollably to the lane you want to change,
preferably if you end up within inches of a car in
that lane. At this point a greeting from the other
driver may be in order. To perfect your change of
lanes, reduce the speed of your car dramatically in a
matter of seconds and you will see an action-packed
reaction from the car behind you.
ON TRAFFIC JAMS: Traffic Jams are teaming with fun
filled activities such as:
1. Honking your horn rhythmically.
2. Putting on make-up (usually female drivers only).
3. Nose-pickers sightseeing (not to be confused with
people who scratch their brains through their nose).
4. Reducing speed to watch whatever is causing the
traffic jam. Add excitement by trying to see if you
know the parties involved. (Note: Every Filipino
driver is obliged to do this.)
5. Losing weight by sweating like a pig as a result of
a lack of air-conditioning.
6. Greeting other drivers.
7. Practicing lane changing.
8. Playing the game: Let's see how close I can get to
you before rear-ending you.
ON PEDESTRIANS: These individuals are an annoyance to
the Filipino driver. If you see pedestrians in your
way, accelerate your car to let them know who's the
boss. If you are at an intersection, let the
pedestrians know you want to proceed by accelerating
your car and honking at the last possible moment.
ON SOCIAL SITUATIONS: Bumping into a friend while
driving (not to be taken literally) is a joyful
occasion. Drivers should reduce speed and stop their
cars in the middle of the street and chit chat. What
about other drivers? Well, they can wait.
ON HIGHWAY DRIVING:
Bottleneck Formation - To accomplish this type of
driving, cars must block all lanes by driving at the
same speed and side by side (to avoid other cars to
pass). It is important to drive at a speed at least 20
mph below the speed limit.
The Three-Lane-Change - This movement requires a lot
of precision and creativity. It should be done
around the highest number of cars possible and in a
matter of seconds to create what others may refer to
as widespread panic.
HERE'S ANOTHER RULE FOR DRIVING IN THE PHILIPPINES.
When the lanes going in your direction are jammed with
cars, try using the lanes from the oncoming traffic.
They are probably not occupied anyway because the
oncoming cars are stuck as well. How many of the other
direction's lanes should you occupy? As long as there
are lanes from the other direction to occupy, go ahead
and take more lanes.
This move is sure to elicit previously mentioned
greetings from drivers of the oncoming cars (and some
have been known to get down from their cars to
personally deliver the greeting to the out of lane
driver).
9 out of 10 times it's sure to make the traffic worse
but then, hey, there's that 1 in 10 chance that you
might actually get through sooner than all those
law-abiding losers. Filipino drivers think that that 1
in 10 chance is reason enough to risk their life and
limb and being profusely greeted (besides, you can
always turn up the windows and pretend that you don't
hear the
greeting from the other drivers).
GOT IT?!
GOOD!
Welcome to Manila.
I sware this is similar to driving in new york ,, lol ...
and here are the pics of his car .....
http://www.onlineshowoff.com/service...tid=5272&page=
SURVIVAL GUIDE TO DRIVING IN THE PHILIPPINES:
If you are ever in the need to drive on the streets of
Manila the following rules may help you get to your
destination in one piece.
THE FILIPINO DRIVER GREETING: When greeting a Filipino
driver, slowly lower your window and be prepared to
greet the driver with, "Tang namo, bobo." However, if
you have been already addressed by a fellow driver,
reply with a joyful, "Tang namo rin, gago."
ON TURN SIGNALS: If a driver in another lane turns on
the turn signal, do not let him go into your lane. In
fact, press the accelerator and start driving right
next to him/her. The fellow driver will probably greet
you and you already know what to do.
ON TRAFFIC LIGHTS: These amusing artifacts hang from
intersections for no apparent reason. Sometimes you
will see drivers stop to see the colors change on
these lights (a fascinating experience). Government
officials (specificially police) believe that each
color stands for an instruction for drivers to follow.
Fom pure observation I have determined the following
instructions for each color:
Yellow light - accelerate your car as much as
possible.
Red light - this light gives permission to the next
five to six cars to go through.
Green light - reduce speed and wait for the five to
six cars passing through their respective red lights.
Little-known-fact: Time to start honking your horn, as
soon as the light turns green = 1.5 seconds.
ON CHANGING LANES: Changing lanes has been elevated to
an art form in the Philippines. First of all, no
matter what you do, never ever turn on your turn
signal, otherwise you'll stimulate the reaction
described above. Second, swerve your car
uncontrollably to the lane you want to change,
preferably if you end up within inches of a car in
that lane. At this point a greeting from the other
driver may be in order. To perfect your change of
lanes, reduce the speed of your car dramatically in a
matter of seconds and you will see an action-packed
reaction from the car behind you.
ON TRAFFIC JAMS: Traffic Jams are teaming with fun
filled activities such as:
1. Honking your horn rhythmically.
2. Putting on make-up (usually female drivers only).
3. Nose-pickers sightseeing (not to be confused with
people who scratch their brains through their nose).
4. Reducing speed to watch whatever is causing the
traffic jam. Add excitement by trying to see if you
know the parties involved. (Note: Every Filipino
driver is obliged to do this.)
5. Losing weight by sweating like a pig as a result of
a lack of air-conditioning.
6. Greeting other drivers.
7. Practicing lane changing.
8. Playing the game: Let's see how close I can get to
you before rear-ending you.
ON PEDESTRIANS: These individuals are an annoyance to
the Filipino driver. If you see pedestrians in your
way, accelerate your car to let them know who's the
boss. If you are at an intersection, let the
pedestrians know you want to proceed by accelerating
your car and honking at the last possible moment.
ON SOCIAL SITUATIONS: Bumping into a friend while
driving (not to be taken literally) is a joyful
occasion. Drivers should reduce speed and stop their
cars in the middle of the street and chit chat. What
about other drivers? Well, they can wait.
ON HIGHWAY DRIVING:
Bottleneck Formation - To accomplish this type of
driving, cars must block all lanes by driving at the
same speed and side by side (to avoid other cars to
pass). It is important to drive at a speed at least 20
mph below the speed limit.
The Three-Lane-Change - This movement requires a lot
of precision and creativity. It should be done
around the highest number of cars possible and in a
matter of seconds to create what others may refer to
as widespread panic.
HERE'S ANOTHER RULE FOR DRIVING IN THE PHILIPPINES.
When the lanes going in your direction are jammed with
cars, try using the lanes from the oncoming traffic.
They are probably not occupied anyway because the
oncoming cars are stuck as well. How many of the other
direction's lanes should you occupy? As long as there
are lanes from the other direction to occupy, go ahead
and take more lanes.
This move is sure to elicit previously mentioned
greetings from drivers of the oncoming cars (and some
have been known to get down from their cars to
personally deliver the greeting to the out of lane
driver).
9 out of 10 times it's sure to make the traffic worse
but then, hey, there's that 1 in 10 chance that you
might actually get through sooner than all those
law-abiding losers. Filipino drivers think that that 1
in 10 chance is reason enough to risk their life and
limb and being profusely greeted (besides, you can
always turn up the windows and pretend that you don't
hear the
greeting from the other drivers).
GOT IT?!
GOOD!
Welcome to Manila.
I sware this is similar to driving in new york ,, lol ...
and here are the pics of his car .....
http://www.onlineshowoff.com/service...tid=5272&page=
March-7th-2003, 03:22 AM
#3
Protege Enthusiast
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Vancouver Island, BC
Posts: 153
Part of the training course for a taxi-cab driver takes place over there. You have to go if you want to pass. In order to complete that section, you must be one with the other drivers and be like them. 
~A
~A
March-7th-2003, 10:53 AM
#6
Show Layne some respect
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Long Island,NY
Posts: 2,458
Definitely like driving in NY, Bruce. We should know!
The one about "accelerating" to keep people from changing lanes is too damn true. I swear, 75% of the time I put a signal on (yeah - I actually USE them things
), the guy in the next lane either ignores it, or speeds up like "not in front of me".
**** that - then they get mad when I just ******* go. If the ******* didn't want to be cut off, he shoulda had a shred of common courtesy and common sense, recognized my signal, and NOT tried to keep me from coming over.
******* rude ******** - usually in their useless Navigator or RX300 or whatever other stupid overweight SUV. I try to teach 'em that they DO NOT own the road.
~HH
The one about "accelerating" to keep people from changing lanes is too damn true. I swear, 75% of the time I put a signal on (yeah - I actually USE them things
), the guy in the next lane either ignores it, or speeds up like "not in front of me".**** that - then they get mad when I just ******* go. If the ******* didn't want to be cut off, he shoulda had a shred of common courtesy and common sense, recognized my signal, and NOT tried to keep me from coming over.
******* rude ******** - usually in their useless Navigator or RX300 or whatever other stupid overweight SUV. I try to teach 'em that they DO NOT own the road.
~HH
funny stuff
March-7th-2003, 04:40 PM
#9
"Pimpin Protege"
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: the rat's mouth
Posts: 530
Try driving in Jamaica. It was my first time driving a right-hand drive car, and driving there is crazy. Especially when they see you aren't Jamaican. Not fun. But they have some awesome cars in Jamaica, I didn't expect that.
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