Red Racer

> Memo from Santa.
>
>
> I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
> serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South
> Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas
> Eve.
>
> Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract
> was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As
> part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk
> and cookies so keep that in mind.
>
> However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with
> your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba
> Claus.
>
> His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
> delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a
> few differences between us.
>
> Differences such as:
>
> 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
> Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
> reads:
> "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
>
> 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
> leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And
> Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
> have an empty spit can handy.
>
> 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
> instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
> reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
>
> 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..."
when
> Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti,
> on Elliott and Petty."
>
> 5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you
also are likely
> to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"
>
> 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
> a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back
Off."
>
> 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
Street"
> and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated
> viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and
> "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus
and
> dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
>
>
> And Finally,
>
> 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
> the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
> presents under the tree.
>
>
> Sincerely Yours,
>
>
> Santa Claus

Zombiefreak

oh that was great. simply classic.

Sir Nuke

now THAT is funny!!!

LitlRay

lol that was cute!