Zombiefreak

A female friend of mine was called stupid by her boyfriend, it went a little something like this "ok, now you're just being stupid."

Then when she got pissed and said "I can't believe you called me stupid".

He relied "I didn't say you are stupid, I said you were being stupid".

Are these two phrases equivalent? Why or why not?

My view: If someone says your actions are stupid and you are defined by your actions, then you, by definition, are stupid.

What's your view?

Tornado

hmm that's a good one.

I would say that smart people can be stupid. Whereas stupid people are just stupid.

I think there is a big difference between being told you ARE stupid versus you are BEING stupid.

It almost refers to a temporary lapse into idiocy. Excusable but certainly not enjoyable.

Sir Nuke

actually this is a two part question of sorts...

first of all....being a bit older than most of you....one thing my experiences has gotten me...is this...you NEVER tell a woman, at least one that you care about, that she IS stupid, or that she is BEING stupid...you never use the word stupid and reference to her in the same sentance...you are just asking for trouble...and no way to get out of it....

NOW..on to part two....

there are two terms that people like to interchange, STUPID and IGNORANT....they are VERY VERY different....

STUPID is doing something not wise even though you know better.....THAT IS STUPID...

IGNORANT....is doing something unwise but you didn't know any better, had never been told not to, weren't trained not to....you just didn't have the experience to know better....no shame in that....there is a LOT of stuff that I am IGNORANT of....

the good thing is that IGNORANCE can be over come with a questioning attitude, training....and friends to guide you...

STUPIDITY is just that......if you know better...but do it anyway....I believe you are termainal and destined to show up on the Darwin Awards Page...

:{D

funkdaddysmack

Here's my quick answer, you may not agree.

I think that you if ARE stupid, it doesn't change. You're just a stupid person.

BEING stupid implies ACTING stupid, at least in my mind. So an otherwise non-stupid person is just ACTING stupid at the moment.

I think the difference is night and day, probably because I'd get my *** kicked over saying something like that. Gotta love women.

semtex

i think its two differnent kinds of stupid

i think that you cannot be stupid due to your actions cuz everyone has their "slow" days but then there are the people who are always having "slow" days those are the kind of people you call stupid

protetype

I agree 100% on this one. My girl and I had this conversation once because I said this exact thing to her, that she was being stupid. Since the conversation we had about it, she knows the difference now, and understand when I say something like this not to take it as "you are stupid" but as "you are acting stupid." As someone else said, difference is night and day imho.

ProtegeMaster

Ah, a most interesting discussion.

I would personally vote that the term "Being stupid" is NOT the same as an outright stupid person. Case in point might go like this:

You have a brilliant, gifted mathematician. She happens to smoke cigarettes. Given her talent in such a decidedly difficult field of study, it certainly couldn’t be said that she’s stupid. However, she is most certainly being stupid in smoking, given the proven death wish associated with such activity.

An example submitted for everyone’s consideration…

Sir Nuke

Personally....I have to disagree with you on this one....

what your brilliant, gifted mathematician is NOT...is IGNORANT...

but the fact that they smoke...and they KNOW its bad for them...that makes them STUPID.

turbonium959

Hi. My girlfrind is getting bachelors in psyhology this spring, and this actually helps her with her study. Here is what she ahs to say:
Then when she got pissed and said "I can't believe you called me stupid".

He relied "I didn't say you are stupid, I said you were being stupid".


my opiinion, being called stupid doesnt mean you have a stupid personality. MEaning the first sentence says he called her stupid.."you are stupid" means the person is incapable of creating an intelligent response...
"being stupid" means u did a dumb act and doenst necessarily mean that the act affects ur intelligence.!

Bruce95fmla

You can tell a women she is stupid or being stupid , why would you want to hold back your thoughts ,,, If she takes it to heart like this person did then that must mean that she realized something and therefore is taking up defense , you only take defense when something bothers you , and you think psychologically there is some truth to what the person is saying otherwise you look at it like whatever and keep the comversation going after replying with a simple , It is not that I am stupid, I am just .....

I personally think the person in this story may have been called stupid before and was proved right on it ,, that probably hurt, and the other person calling her as such ,, just acted as a trigger ,....

Bruce

kc5zom

I'm with Nuke on this one. Calling a woman, any woman, stupid is just asking for an enjoyable and long argument. An argument where words much worse than stupid will be used to refer to your lineage, activities with your mother that are not appropriate, or even a combination of the two.

I've noticed similar results with the word bitchy. DO NOT tell a woman she is being bitchy. You may as well just drop the 'y' and say she is being a total b-atch. You will get the same reaction.

fossil boy

hahaha
But, on to topic....
Words often hurt, and usually are intended to inspire emotion - "stupid" or "being stupid" certainly have negative conotations. Thus, using such terminology will likely have repercussions with anyone, not just a significant other.
I think it depends upon mainly upon the self-confidence of the "audience", or the attitude of the "messenger". This could be avoided simply by choosing different terminology to soften the criticism. But why be so critical, anyway?
Relationships are built on trust and respect - why erode this with criticism that probably was: a) not intended; & b) not necessary.
Hell, all of us do stupid things, and in some respects, are downright stupid in one way or another - why dwell upon it?
On the otherhand, if someone is so easily provoked by something so stupid (hahaha), why hang out with them?

mito7878

Stupid is as stupid does!!!!

LOS-323

I agree with Nuke.. Never tell a woman she is, or is acting stupid... and donīt use the word "ignorant" either.

Actually... make sure that you NEVER, EVER use any word or phrase unless you can defend yourself against the "I canīt believe you called me...." or "I canīt believe you said..." without starting a whole new argument.

During any argument, the best thing to do is to pause for a few seconds before EACH sentence you say, for the duration of the argument, and ask yourself "is what Iīm about to say going to cause another argument, and consequently delay me from getting another beer?".

As for the original question... itīs irrelevant. It doesnīt matter how you say it, or what you or we think... in a womanīs mind, she is being called "stupid", and thatīs all there is to it.

Any attempt to explain to her what you meant, is disregarded, until you appologize... and at that point you already lost the argument.

redrims

I agree. Being stupid