What, me race?
November-22nd-2004, 07:47 AM
#1
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,164
What, me race?
Okay, it was absolutely beautiful here yesterday in metro Detroit. Sunny skies, highs near 50. I was out running errands, heading down John R road, a busy two-lane-each-way road that cuts through some of the busiest suburbs. There must be a stoplight every quarter mile in Madison Heights. It was noon, and I had just picked up new wiper blades from the autoparts store for my P5. And, the P5 was looking good... just cleaned and waxed. The polished wheels had been rubbed down with a soft cloth.
Up ahead, I see this kid in an old CRX Si. He has the Altezza tail lamps on it. A universal muffler. You can tell the whole thing cost him three grand to put together. The rims cost more than the car. It's the automotive equivalent of a hooker. I have a nice rumble going on, just cruising at the speed limit enjoying the day. The kid sees me, and starts darting in and out of traffic. We pull up next to the light. It turns green, and he lights them up, squeeling like Anna Nicole Smith at a press conference. I start laughing, ease it into first, and slowly pull away, still enjoying the day, still in no hurry. Meanwhile, he's long gone, just a metallic red blip ahead of me, with oil-fumed exhaust trailing him. I thought about how I might have gone for it, if I was a lot younger and a lot dumber. But I know better now. For one, I pay my own insurance. And life insurance, for that matter. Me, Race? At noon? On busy John R? Threading through minivans like it's nobody's business? I would have like to have said "hey, pal. It's not all that fast. But if you think it is, see you at the track next summer".
Up ahead, I see this kid in an old CRX Si. He has the Altezza tail lamps on it. A universal muffler. You can tell the whole thing cost him three grand to put together. The rims cost more than the car. It's the automotive equivalent of a hooker. I have a nice rumble going on, just cruising at the speed limit enjoying the day. The kid sees me, and starts darting in and out of traffic. We pull up next to the light. It turns green, and he lights them up, squeeling like Anna Nicole Smith at a press conference. I start laughing, ease it into first, and slowly pull away, still enjoying the day, still in no hurry. Meanwhile, he's long gone, just a metallic red blip ahead of me, with oil-fumed exhaust trailing him. I thought about how I might have gone for it, if I was a lot younger and a lot dumber. But I know better now. For one, I pay my own insurance. And life insurance, for that matter. Me, Race? At noon? On busy John R? Threading through minivans like it's nobody's business? I would have like to have said "hey, pal. It's not all that fast. But if you think it is, see you at the track next summer".
November-22nd-2004, 11:55 AM
#3
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,164
Yeah, the hilarious part about it was that the kid was cruising all alone... obviously out looking for a race... in the suburbs... in November... on public roads...Dork! Dork! Dork!
It's like trying to find a date at Walmart. Not likely, and not a good idea!
And then earlier in the day, I saw a guy in a late seventies Trans Am peel out of the do-it-yourself car wash, hanging the *** end of the car out in a dramatic fishtail. Again, I was not impressed by his emissions-castrated V8. The fact that THIS guy was in his forties made it all the funnier. I mean, don't we get wiser as we age? Well, apparently not all of us do... at least it was kind of a Starsky and Hutch moment.
Truth be told, if I still had my very first car (Datsun B210), I could probably drive it through a puddle, crank the wheel full-lock to the right, stab the gas, and god willing, get the ol' one tire fire going... but it ain't proof of my manhood!
It's like trying to find a date at Walmart. Not likely, and not a good idea!
And then earlier in the day, I saw a guy in a late seventies Trans Am peel out of the do-it-yourself car wash, hanging the *** end of the car out in a dramatic fishtail. Again, I was not impressed by his emissions-castrated V8. The fact that THIS guy was in his forties made it all the funnier. I mean, don't we get wiser as we age? Well, apparently not all of us do... at least it was kind of a Starsky and Hutch moment.
Truth be told, if I still had my very first car (Datsun B210), I could probably drive it through a puddle, crank the wheel full-lock to the right, stab the gas, and god willing, get the ol' one tire fire going... but it ain't proof of my manhood!
November-22nd-2004, 12:17 PM
#4
Rotor Head
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 1,309
Originally Posted by juddz
Yeah, the hilarious part about it was that the kid was cruising all alone... obviously out looking for a race... in the suburbs... in November... on public roads...Dork! Dork! Dork!
It's like trying to find a date at Walmart. Not likely, and not a good idea!
And then earlier in the day, I saw a guy in a late seventies Trans Am peel out of the do-it-yourself car wash, hanging the *** end of the car out in a dramatic fishtail. Again, I was not impressed by his emissions-castrated V8. The fact that THIS guy was in his forties made it all the funnier. I mean, don't we get wiser as we age? Well, apparently not all of us do... at least it was kind of a Starsky and Hutch moment.
Truth be told, if I still had my very first car (Datsun B210), I could probably drive it through a puddle, crank the wheel full-lock to the right, stab the gas, and god willing, get the ol' one tire fire going... but it ain't proof of my manhood!
It's like trying to find a date at Walmart. Not likely, and not a good idea!
And then earlier in the day, I saw a guy in a late seventies Trans Am peel out of the do-it-yourself car wash, hanging the *** end of the car out in a dramatic fishtail. Again, I was not impressed by his emissions-castrated V8. The fact that THIS guy was in his forties made it all the funnier. I mean, don't we get wiser as we age? Well, apparently not all of us do... at least it was kind of a Starsky and Hutch moment.
Truth be told, if I still had my very first car (Datsun B210), I could probably drive it through a puddle, crank the wheel full-lock to the right, stab the gas, and god willing, get the ol' one tire fire going... but it ain't proof of my manhood!
November-22nd-2004, 03:21 PM
#8
Matty's Lead Scrumpet!!
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Ok City
Posts: 3,143
I like to get them (the ricers) all riled up at the red light, give em the "shark eye" and everything. Then as they are squealing their tires and looking like a complete jack-**** I smile and laugh and just go on about my business.
I'm so bad... I even got an F-Body pulled over yesterday! I guess he couldn't handle being passed by the ol' Banana. Unfortunately for him, he didn't have a Passport radar detector like me
I'm so bad... I even got an F-Body pulled over yesterday! I guess he couldn't handle being passed by the ol' Banana. Unfortunately for him, he didn't have a Passport radar detector like me
November-22nd-2004, 04:00 PM
#9
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,164
....and, like I said, I just finished wiping down every square inch of the car that same day. I notice the tiniest of rock chips. I kick the dirt off my shoes before I hop in. The oil gets changed every 3,000 miles. New wiper blades once a year. Tire pressure checked when I fill her up, along with making sure the oil level is at least half way between the min and the max. Needless to say, I LOVE this car. Why should I slap her around, risk an accident, just to show some jackass kid who's boss? Out on the track next summer, that's different. The car gets a fresh alignment and a new set of tires out of the deal.
November-23rd-2004, 10:57 AM
#11
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Maryland
Posts: 999
okay, head hanging low - i gotta' admit the red cape waiving in front of me would have had me hitting it for all its worth (to the speed limit or the next light - whichever came first) safely.
I am 40+ and can't/won;t help it. I guess i will be eyeing the geezer next to me in the 'home in our wheelchairs seeing if i can beat him to to the strained beets at the cafeteria...
Not stoopid, but a show of force.
Reminds me of a joke (threadjack alert!):
Three bulls are in the field. Each one has his harum of cows. Big Ben has 30 cows. Mighty Joe has 20 and little Billy has 3.
One day the farmer arrives with a new bull. As he is coming off the trailer the three bulls are AMAZED at the size of this bull! Enormous!
Big Ben says, "Well, i can see giving him 10 of my cows, maybe 20... Not that i am SCARED mind you - just being 'friendly' you see... "
Mighty Joe quickly follows his lead and says, "well, i am shshshsure i could give up 9 of mine..."
This is when little Billy starts snorting, pawing the dirt and starts to makes a charge for all he's worth!
Big Ben holds him back, "hey little fella' - no reason to be that way - just give him your cows and don't end up hamburger!"
Little Billy replies, "i am not going to charge him - I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE HE KNOWS I AM A BULL!"
So when i scratch the tires next to the Porshe - i am just letting him know i am not a Festiva
-peace!
I am 40+ and can't/won;t help it. I guess i will be eyeing the geezer next to me in the 'home in our wheelchairs seeing if i can beat him to to the strained beets at the cafeteria...
Not stoopid, but a show of force.
Reminds me of a joke (threadjack alert!):
Three bulls are in the field. Each one has his harum of cows. Big Ben has 30 cows. Mighty Joe has 20 and little Billy has 3.
One day the farmer arrives with a new bull. As he is coming off the trailer the three bulls are AMAZED at the size of this bull! Enormous!
Big Ben says, "Well, i can see giving him 10 of my cows, maybe 20... Not that i am SCARED mind you - just being 'friendly' you see... "
Mighty Joe quickly follows his lead and says, "well, i am shshshsure i could give up 9 of mine..."
This is when little Billy starts snorting, pawing the dirt and starts to makes a charge for all he's worth!
Big Ben holds him back, "hey little fella' - no reason to be that way - just give him your cows and don't end up hamburger!"
Little Billy replies, "i am not going to charge him - I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE HE KNOWS I AM A BULL!"
So when i scratch the tires next to the Porshe - i am just letting him know i am not a Festiva
-peace!
November-25th-2004, 07:29 PM
#15
The man behind the mask
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 11,572
You guys should do a search for the "SHOgun"....a ford festiva converted to an SHO-powered mid-engine monster. Ran 12's on stock 15" wheels and tires! Jay Leno has one of 7 in exsistence. His first day as host of the Tonight Show he did a HUGE burnout in Johnny Carsons old parking spot....his car makes 300+hp now and is nitrous fed....like my SHO but RWD in a festiva body.....holy carp that has to be fast!