Questions tourists Ask... And Canadians Answer.
June-26th-2003, 02:33 PM
#1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 55
Questions tourists Ask... And Canadians Answer.
These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Web site and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck.
1. Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
3. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
8. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?
14. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
15. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.
19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
21. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
22. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Pretty good eh?!
KB
1. Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
3. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
8. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?
14. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
15. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.
19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
21. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
22. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Pretty good eh?!
KB
June-26th-2003, 07:45 PM
#4
Salt addict
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Niagara Falls Ont.
Posts: 1,201
If I face south and turn 90 degrees I will not be facing North.
Here's one I've heard more than a few times throughout the years working in the tourism industry in Niagara Falls:
"What time do they turn the Falls off at??"
My answer: "They only do that when some crazy American tries to go over the falls in a jetski and has his parachute fail to open."
That really happened in '95.
Here's one I've heard more than a few times throughout the years working in the tourism industry in Niagara Falls:
"What time do they turn the Falls off at??"
My answer: "They only do that when some crazy American tries to go over the falls in a jetski and has his parachute fail to open."
That really happened in '95.
June-26th-2003, 09:52 PM
#5
Protege crazy
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Canada, Wolfville, N.S.
Posts: 665
Originally posted by midnightblue97
If I face south and turn 90 degrees I will not be facing North.
Here's one I've heard more than a few times throughout the years working in the tourism industry in Niagara Falls:
"What time do they turn the Falls off at??"
My answer: "They only do that when some crazy American tries to go over the falls in a jetski and has his parachute fail to open."
That really happened in '95.
If I face south and turn 90 degrees I will not be facing North.
Here's one I've heard more than a few times throughout the years working in the tourism industry in Niagara Falls:
"What time do they turn the Falls off at??"
My answer: "They only do that when some crazy American tries to go over the falls in a jetski and has his parachute fail to open."
That really happened in '95.
July-1st-2003, 08:34 PM
#7
Salt addict
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Niagara Falls Ont.
Posts: 1,201
Originally posted by Protegé Menacé
A two seater plane crashed into a Canadian cemetery, so far Canadian rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies.
A two seater plane crashed into a Canadian cemetery, so far Canadian rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies.
July-2nd-2003, 09:05 PM
#9
Salt addict
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Niagara Falls Ont.
Posts: 1,201
I got a couple which I've been asked more than a few times.
"Am I in Canada yet??"
Yeah EH?
"Can you tell me how to get to Canada please?"
Of course ma'am You drive up there (pointing towards Clifton Hill) make a right hand turn at the lights, Go around the bend, and you will come to the intersection of Highway 420 and Stanley avenue. Go straight to the Q.E.W., and head towards Toronto, In Missisauga take Highway 427 North and then after a few Kilometres (Whats a Kilometre??) you will come to highway 401, take the east bound lanes to highway 400, at this point follow the directions for the northbound lanes after a couple hours depending on traffic the 400 will basically become highway 11 which is part of the trans Canada Highway, keep driving until you see polar bears holding up a "welcome to Canada" sign. About a Kilometre after that, you will see an igloo at the side of the road that is the Kanata welcome center. There you can meet Some Native and Inuit people and drink a complimentary glass of our favorite drink Ice Water.
O.k. the bold part I made up, because usually by the time I got to the highway 11 part they've already walked away.
"Am I in Canada yet??"
Yeah EH?
"Can you tell me how to get to Canada please?"
Of course ma'am You drive up there (pointing towards Clifton Hill) make a right hand turn at the lights, Go around the bend, and you will come to the intersection of Highway 420 and Stanley avenue. Go straight to the Q.E.W., and head towards Toronto, In Missisauga take Highway 427 North and then after a few Kilometres (Whats a Kilometre??) you will come to highway 401, take the east bound lanes to highway 400, at this point follow the directions for the northbound lanes after a couple hours depending on traffic the 400 will basically become highway 11 which is part of the trans Canada Highway, keep driving until you see polar bears holding up a "welcome to Canada" sign. About a Kilometre after that, you will see an igloo at the side of the road that is the Kanata welcome center. There you can meet Some Native and Inuit people and drink a complimentary glass of our favorite drink Ice Water.
O.k. the bold part I made up, because usually by the time I got to the highway 11 part they've already walked away.
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