An elderly couple were on a cruise ship during a very bad storm. They were standing at the back of the ship watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the elderly woman overboard.

The crew searched for days and days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the elderly man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the elderly man got a fax from the ship. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000...... please advise".

So the elderly man faxed back:...
...Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.

 

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the same closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball. Want to buy it? My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250."

Man: "Done."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: "$750."

Man: "Done."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and play catch"

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy -"$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."

 

oh man....both of those are rotten!


How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?



who cares, chicks should be able to cook in the dark.

 

haha.. hey that would be even better this way:

How many MEN does it take to change a lightbulb?
Who cares, women should be able to cook in the dark

 

Those are great, lol, I love hearing good jokes!

 

how many kids with A.D.D. does it take to change a lightbulb......


HEY! wanna go ride bikes!

 

Now, if I could afford that crap from the Pampered Chef catalog...then I'd be all over that cooking thing

 

No, but I can watch other people jump creeks on bikes.

actually... i was riding my kids tricycle the other day... they "jump" car ramps on it haha. - and my kids are 4&5 - ask 'em what they want... "Junior dragster w/ a turbo"

 

Good luck Barry, you'll need it!

 

good thing their papa can build a very good drag car (he's a chevy man though HAHA)