islandpro

This was to funny not to post. and being that the winner is from my home state.

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2001 DARWIN AWARDS

It's that time again. The awards this year are classic. These awards
are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who
through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove
undesirable elements from the human gene pool. We present the 2001
"Natural Selection" awards:


5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he
hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope
on a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central
Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 A.M., the Mono County
Sheriff's Department said.

Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley
and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to
protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to
slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since
been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad
removed.

4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the
police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out
without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked
him to death.


3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag
standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it
fell on him.


2nd RUNNER-UP: A man at a West Virginia party, (probably related to the
winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the 22 bullet to replace the
fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit
down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue.

Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the
party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an
aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it." "It wouldn't
go
off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off."

He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his
lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition
Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at
Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing
something like that," Payne said.


1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon
man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be
released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last
weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men
Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's
Pass, Oregon.

A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered
Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to
the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died
instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital
in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip
protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major
blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the
arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.

Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that
afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been
filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the
initiation stunt is under investigation.


THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late)
Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local
Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets
(but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to
"hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.

They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr.
Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence
and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky,
there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence.

Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His
fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken
arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes
would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut
away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky
crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now,
without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his
rectum. To make matters worse, on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.

Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, decided
to throw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup
truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put
the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend
and killing him.

Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet
from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon
moving the truck, they found John under it, half-naked, scratches on his
body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts
dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.


Congratulations gentlemen, you win.
>

jlanger

Did you hear the one abotu how a state police department was investigating a wreck where a car had virtually disentegrated into a stone wall? Some very smart gentleman thought that he coudl get his car going really fast if he put JATO rockets on it. Evidently he was going aroudn 400 to 500 mph before hitting the wall and disentegrating him. WHat a way to gain some hp Eh?

islandpro

Yeah i heard about that one...

Davard

You guys really gotta look at The Urban Legends website.

The JATO rocket piece has been around quite a while, and is apocryphal.

And while I didn't feel like wasting any more time looking for it, the "winner" has been around for quite a few years on the internet.

Mp34ME

yep most of that is all Urban Legends, like the zookeeper who was feeding an elephant, slipped him a laxative to improve his bowels, then as he was cleanin up the cage the elephant basically "shat" on him they said that it was close to 100lbs of the brown stuff! Thats kinda old but still funny