The lamp that solicites pure and utter hatred from everyone who sees it
 

This weekend, I went up north to the small town of Marion, Michigan with my fiance and her family. They have some acreage up there, perfect for bonfires and bbq. The people at the IGA look at you funny if you ask where the baked chips are. It's that kind of town. In Northern Michigan, I swear that a huge percentage of the economy depends on garage sales, as nearly every home carts out heaps of rubbish and sticks a "Garage Sale" sign in the front lawn the moment that the snow melts. Anyone who has taken any of the backroads up knows exactly what I mean... it's like the World Tour of e-Bay. or Antique Roadshow's evil twin, the Antique Freakshow. You aren't going to find anything for your Mazda 'cause it's one of them of them "ferrin' jobs". But if you want to buy a mounted pair of antlers so you can lie to your buddies that you shot a deer, you might be in luck.

Anyhow, I stopped in at a neighbor's sale to inspect the uh, "wares". I saw this tacky, awful, tasetless-beyond-reproach lamp for a paltry $0.75. It had gobs of dust caked on it, likely more forgotten than Liz Taylor's wedding vows.

Knowing the horror it would command, I paid up and took it back to the house. Some people actually said that they would "think less of me" if I kept it. So, naturally, I packed it up and took it back to Detroit with me. I started by cleaning it off, and touching up the knicks with acyrlic paint. My fiance saw me doing it, and barked "don't talk to me" with genuine disgust. Ohhh what a lamp. It's ugly. It's crap. It's controversial. It's forbidden fruit. Ah, it's a keeper. Of course, I will hide it if we have company...

lol, wtf

that is great!

Thats a cool kids lamp! I would keep it and put it in the living room. If anything it would make for a good laugh!

LMAO! Awesome story! Its so great how everybody is angry at you about a $0.75 lamp! I wouldve bought it too for that price.

EDIT: Looking at the pic again, even your cat in the background seems pissed at it! lol

Wtf kind of creature is that?

I would hate to see the rest of your place! LOL

LOL I noticed the cat's disdain as well.


However, at $0.75 it is surely a bargain.

WOW that thing is freaky looking in an evil/cutesy way LOL....I so would have bought it as well...

You know, if you furnish your entire house/apartment with crap like that, it'd probably end up looking cool.
I can send you some stuff, haha.

...when I was single, I thought Yamaha cylinder heads made cool decorations.... still do. That's why I am not allowed to decorate the house.

Truth be told, when I get tired of the lamp joke, it's going on e-Bay. For now, I feel kind of like I am living the life of Ralphie's father in "A Christmas Story". Of couse, that was a leg. This is a squirrel. His was a "major award"... and he was awfully proud of it. Mine was a dirty, dusty, crummy "artifact" that I admit I am kind of ashamed to own. But oh, what the hell. My ego was getting too big anyways, and snapping that sucker on when I read a chapter before bed is just the thing to take me down a peg or two.

:rofl: LMAO, so many parts of that were funny! But when you deciede to put it on eBay, put it with all that other crap and say its haunted and special for whatever reason you want and I bet you could get a fair amount of money. I've seen some dumb sh*t go for a pretty penny!

...when it goes on e-Bay, I am going to note that it is contaminated with the deadly Ebola virus, and that whoever bids on it, does so at their own peril. I might dramatize it a bit, say something like "turn on this light, and it'll turn out yours... the only light you'll be seeing is that tunnel to heaven with all of your dead relatives on the other end, just like they described in Unsolved Mysteries". Or forget disease, hauntings, all that crap. Maybe I can just offer to throw in a free ass whooping with it, 'cause if you bring it home without talking to your wife about it, you are in for one anyways.

Haha, be sure to let us know whatever you do and post up your auction when you decide to let it go!

Say that the little green men left at your door. (A superstitios irishman might buy it to.)