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French Joke thread
LOL
post any funny french pics and jokes here "I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" ---- Hannibal Lecter "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." ---Mark Twain "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton [Edit] Oh man I just found some on-line. ROFL "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Jacques Chirac, President of France. "As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush Limbaugh "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." Dennis Miller "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?" Dennis Miller Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French. "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. give me yours.:laugh: :laugh: |
Just after the Yanks and Brits liberated Paris from the Germans in 1945, French "General" de Gaulle insisted he lead the victory march into Paris. The Yanks and Brits protested because they, not the French, had sacrificed so many more lives in freeing the French city and country from the Nazis. They, not the French, had brutally battled their way to the outskirts of the city while the French were still serving the Germans. The cunning de Gaulle convincingly won the argument, however, by declaring "It's important today for Paris to see the French army at its bravest--and the French are never braver than when she has the Americans and British behind her back!"
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Do you know why Euro-Disney failed in France, because every time fireworks went off they surrendered.
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And my final contribution,for now.
What was the description for the French rifle in the classified section of the newspaper? $500, never shot, dropped once. |
How many frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
...Don't know. It's never been tried. |
How can you tell if a frenchman has been in your backyard?
Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant. |
Why are the roads in France lined with trees? So the Germans can march in the shade!
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Did you hear that the French sent tanks to the Iraqi border? They have 1 forward gear and 5 for reverse :D
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Originally posted by Team Fuzion Did you hear that the French sent tanks to the Iraqi border? They have 1 forward gear and 5 for reverse :D |
What's the shortest book ever written?
French War Heroes. From N.C.,USA I read this on the back of a public restroom door. "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth to another Frenchman. Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 forward. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the forward gear comes in handy.... How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? No one Knows. It's never been tried!] What color is the American flag? Red, White, and Blue. What color is the British flag? Red, White, and Blue. What color is the French flag? White. What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered during WWII? "Table for One Hundred Thousand?". What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? How to surrender in at least 10 languages. What is the most useful thing in the French Army? A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. Why does Nike like the French Army? Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly? It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S. |
Oh shit!! These are freaking hilarious
But this one has to be my favorite.:D Originally posted by Team Fuzion What's the shortest book ever written? French War Heroes. |
These are totally funny also.:D Keep'em coming
Originally posted by Team Fuzion What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? How to surrender in at least 10 languages. Why does Nike like the French Army? Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly? It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S. Damn, I gotta write these down:D lol |
What do you call a frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
Bi-sexual |
Originally posted by Team Fuzion What's the shortest book ever written? French War Heroes. |
Why are all the streets in France lined with trees?
Because the Germans like to march in the shade. |
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